Meditations from the Darkness
by Bobolac
Summary: Riku may be too introspective for his own good.


Title: Meditations from the Darkness  
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts  
Pairing: Riku/? (You'll be able to figure it out quickly. XD)  
Disclaimer: I own no part of Kingdom Hearts or Squeenix. Hope I can apply this to everything I write from here on out.  
a/n: Musings is kind of over, and I got inspired by a song. So I needed something new to write. As much as Reno/Cloud is an OTP of mine, we all need a break, ne? So here I am, writing this. Lyrics © Ben Harper, _Forever_.

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I've seen what relationships do to people. 

I've seen the gentle, chaste touches and longing glances of flirting.

I've seen—felt—the thrill of the chase.

How one can get lost in their own mind, at the simple thought of another.

The bliss of love.

I'm too familiar with the blind admiration—all warm gazes, affectionate caresses, and tender kisses.

But therein lays the downfall of man.

Love.

It's a fleeting emotion. There one minute, and gone the next. Lovers talk of their infinite love. How nothing will ever tear them apart. How it will only be the two of them, forever and ever, until the ends of the world.

It's sad…that they can't see how they lie to themselves.

_Forever always seems to around when things begin, _

_But forever never seems to be around when it ends._

Has no one ever seen the bitter, angry remains of a couple once so passionately in love? I don't know whether to be saddened by it, or to remind myself that it's what I expected from the beginning.

Love is fleeting.

It's not the thing you read in books. Never is it what is romanticized for the world to see. Love…? Love is something we've made up to make ourselves feel like there is a greater reasoning behind lust. As if it leads to something more, something with a deep, endless meaning.

At least that's what I tell myself.

The word 'forever' pops into my mind. Can a friendship last the tests of time, if love can't? Why does love fight the concept, but friendship is welcome to claim a stake on forever?

Friends forever.

I remember the secret handshakes, the inside jokes, the little matching bracelets that girls used to wear. The memory of promises and secrets and pinky swears. Nothing would tear best friends apart. Best friends were forever.

Why would someone give up their forever so nonchalantly? Forever…does anyone even understand the implications of such a word? Forever.

Forever. Even a dictionary cannot gather an efficient description of such a name. A thesaurus gives words like 'ceaselessly', 'everlastingly', 'eternally'. Forever. Til death. Until the ends of time. If only it were so easy. If only forever was truly possible. If only I could find someone to give my forever to.

Well, that's a lie. I've found someone to give it to, but I'm not willing to part with it. I'm not willing to deal with my forever getting thrown back at me, discarded after a few months, a few years. I don't want that kind of forever. I want the kind of forever that can't be fathomed in the mind. The kind of forever that just is. Never questioned.

But I recognize the romanticism in that. That kind of forever…I may just be right. It may not exist in this world.

I may distrust love, but I'm no stranger to lust, to desire, longing. Of course I understand what this feeling in my chest is. I recognize why my heart clenches every time I see you smile that endless smile, wide and bright enough to light up a room. Why I tend to stay aloof at times, in a failed attempt to distance myself from you.

I try desperately to disengage myself from your endlessly soul-searching eyes, the ones that look at me with such trust, such friendship. With such an unending, unquestioned love. One that I can't understand.

My mind can't fathom a real reason why you would trust me. What have I done to deserve such a trust? Haven't I betrayed you? Left you alone, to fend for yourself in the infinite expanse?

You're too pure for your own good—and for my own good.

I'm shrouded in darkness, one that will never fully slip away from me. I'm tainted, and I always will be. Why would you still want to be friends? Do you want to be dragged into the darkness with me? I wouldn't allow it. You're too good—too clean and pure, in comparison to someone like me.

And I know what you'd say—that I'm your friend, and you wouldn't abandon me. That you didn't care about the eerie feeling that people get from touching me—that the aura of darkness, no matter how small, has never, and will never bother you. That I'm your best friend and that's all that ever mattered, or will ever matter.

It's moments like that when I think that maybe, just maybe, you'd hold on to my forever. That you'd cherish it like you cherished that little trinket you kept in your pocket all this time. That maybe, just _maybe_, you'd let me kiss you. And that maybe, one day, we'd say "I love you", and mean every implication of it. And maybe you'd give me your forever.

I'm allowed one foolhardy dream, aren't I?

_Give me your forever…_

_Please, your forever…_

_Not a day less will do from you…_

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_a/n: _Perhaps I'm truly incapable of writing a full out, long plot. //eyeroll// 

No, but seriously. I liked having someone I could be a bit sappier with...because, as my WIP title for this says "Riku's an Emo but Insightful Bitch". But really, I love Riku forever. X3

So, anyone have any suggestions as to where to go with this? Perhaps a Musings style thang? Or maybe I should actually think of plot. Or leave it be. //le sigh// Meeeh. We'll see. //grins// Till next time!


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